Josh Wilson - Before the Morning

I just wanted to share a song that was actually written for a little boy with HLHS. I have this CD and just love it. It's very hard to find in store, so if you want a copy you may have to order it online. His name is Josh Wilson and the title of the CD is "Life is Not a Snapshot".

Josh Wilson "Before the Morning" 


Do you wonder why you have to 
Feel the things that hurt you? 
If there's a God who loves you, 
Where is He now? 

Maybe, there are things you cant see, 
And all those things are happening 
To bring a better ending. 
Some day, some how, you'll see, you'll see. 

Would you dare, would you dare to believe 
That you still have a reason to sing? 
Cause the pain that you've been feeling, 
It cant compare to the joy that's coming. 

So hold on, you gotta wait for the light. 
Press on, and just fight the good fight. 
Cause the pain that you've been feeling, 
It's just the dark before the morning. 

My friend, you know how this all ends. 
You know where you're going. 
You just don't know how you'll get there. 
So say a prayer and hold on. 
Cause there's good for those who love God. 
But life is not a snapshot. 
It might take a little time, 
but you'll see the bigger picture. 

Would you dare, would you dare to believe 
That you still have a reason to sing? 
Cause the pain that you've been feeling, 
It cant compare to the joy that's coming. 

So hold on, you gotta wait for the light. 
Press on, and just fight the good fight. 
Cause the pain that you've been feeling, 
It's just the dark before the morning. 

Yeah, yeah. Before the morning. Yeah, yeah. 
Once you feel the weight of glory 
All your pain will fade to memory. 

Once you feel the weight of glory 
All your pain will fade to memory, Yeah. 

Would you dare, would you dare to believe 
That you still have a reason to sing? 
Cause the pain that you've been feeling, 
It cant compare to the joy that's coming. 

Would you dare, would you dare to believe 
That you still have a reason to sing? 
Cause the pain that you've been feeling, 
It cant compare to the joy that's coming. 

So hold on, you gotta wait for the light. 
Press on, and just fight the good fight. 
Cause the pain that you've been feeling, 
It's just the hurt before the morning. 

All the pain that you've been feeling 
Its just the dark before the morning. 

Before the morning, Yeah yeah. 
Before the morning.


I believe that our "joy that's coming" is our new little baby. We've already been through the dark, now we are just waiting for our morning. I love you so much Hailey! 


Click here to watch the videos.  One video is the music video to the song, and they also have a video documentary with the father telling the story behind the song. 

Our baby is growing!

We sure had a busy last few weeks. Hailey's first birthday party went well, not as many people showed up as I had hoped but I can understand why someone would not want to attend. It's not your typical "Happy" Birthday party. But we still had a great time. We released balloons at exactly 4:09pm, the time she came into this world. We also got lots of donations that we brought up to Doernbecher Children's Hospital a week later. We still have one more surprise gift that we will be bringing them sometime this month. I will post that when the day comes! 

We just got back on Saturday from a week long vacation in Wisconsin visiting family. We rented a house on the lake with my parents and my brother with his family. I got to meet my niece, Taylor for the first time last week. She is only 2 months older than Hailey is. It was so great to meet her but as the days went on, it was getting harder to put on that happy face. By Wednesday I was so stressed out I just needed to go cry for a while. My amazing husband was right there with me to hold me and support me, he's so wonderful. I just wish it wasn't so hard to be around little girls Hailey's age. Taylor is adorable and a sweet little girl but I couldn't get my mind off the fact that Hailey should be here with us on vacation. She should be getting spoiled by grandparents and playing with her cousins. It was really a wonderful vacation in all, but just a but much with missing Hailey. 

Our last ultrasound went really well. We got lots of good pictures and the Doctor says that so far everything looks great. We had the test where they measure the fluid behind the neck that tests for Down Syndrome (a possible connection to heart defects) and that test was negative. So far so good. Our next appointment will be on August 19th where we will be looking for all 4 chambers of the heart and checking out the Aorta. We will also be finding out the gender on that day! I can't wait to find out how everything is looking. We won't be having a fetal echo until week 22 or so. But at least we will be able to see the 4 chambers in 2 weeks!! 

I also wanted to put a note in about an upcoming NASCAR race. Kenny Wallace will be racing a CHD car, and Hailey's name is on the hood along with many other CHD children. The race will be on August 20th. You can learn more about this car and fundraising site by clicking here.

And here are our newest ultrasound pictures! These are 12 weeks 4 days. 

Here's a profile shot. Do you see the heart above the baby??

Here is another profile shot. 

Our baby's brain.

Here's a shot between the legs. What do you think? Boy? Girl?

Week and day: 14 weeks and 2 days

Belly Button in or out: Still in. :)  Never came out while I was pregnant with Hailey, so I think it may stay in!

Wedding rings on or off: Still on of course!

Food cravings:  Fruit

Food aversions: Everything!

Nausea: Has pretty much gone away!

Energy level: Getting back to normal again

Weight gain:  Still no weight gain yet. 

Mood: Pretty good, getting very excited and anxious for the 19th!

Maternity clothes: They are a must now!

Size of baby: Crown to rump is 3 1/2 to 4 inches (8 to 9.3cm) The size of a lemon and weighs 1 ounce!

Baby's changes:  This week the baby's ears have moved from the neck to the sides of the head. Eyes have been moving gradually from the side of the head to the front of the face. The neck continues to get longer, and the chin no longer rests on the chest. 

Sexual development continues. It is becoming easier to determine male from female by looking at external, genitalia, which are more developed. 

Next appointment: The BIG appt!! It's on August 19th!

What I've been up to: Nothing new, just working after a great vacation with my family! 

Almost to 12 weeks!

This Sunday is a big day. First of all, it would have been Hailey's first birthday. This is going to be a very hard day for us, but we are going to be having a big celebration to remember her beautiful life. I think that's going to make the day a bit easier to get through. We knew this day was coming, I just hope we are able to deal with it. I know she wouldn't want us to be sad but we will be. I can't believe it's already been a year since we first me our daughter. It seemed to have flown by. So have these past 7 1/2 months since she left us. But we will do everything we can to enjoy her special day.

Sunday is also the 12 week mark in our pregnancy. Which is the milestone that most pregnant women hope to achieve because there is now a very low risk of miscarriage. We will be getting another ultrasound this coming Thursday to make sure the baby is growing like it's supposed to. We're hoping around the middle of August is when we will get to find out if it's a boy or girl. We do however have to wait until around 20 weeks to make sure the heart is healthy. But we will be sure to keep you all posted!

I would also like to add a disturbing fact we recently had to deal with. As you know I have been having really bad morning (all day) sickness. So my doctor prescribes me a drug called Phenergan. Well I decided to look it up on safefetus.com to make sure it's in either class A or class B before I was going to take it. And you know what? IT'S BEEN KNOWN TO CAUSE CARDIOVASCULAR DEFECTS IN THE FIRST TRIMESTER!!  I couldn't believe it as I read this. Our doctor is not going to like us when we go back on Thursday. So of course I tossed the pills and I am now just "dealing" with the nausea. Here is the link to the information. I hope you warn other pregnant women to not take this drug after reading this. I know I will be.

On a happier note,

Here is the latest picture of our little peanut at 10 weeks.

And now for the 11 week status updates!

Week and day: 11 weeks and 5 days

Belly Button in or out: Still in. :)  Never came out while I was pregnant with Hailey, so I think it may stay in!

Wedding rings on or off: Still on of course!

Food cravings:  Fruit

Food aversions: Everything!

Nausea: It's very bad! Feeling nauseous 24/7 

Energy level: Can't make it through the day without a nap.

Weight gain: Lost about 8 pounds so far. Which is "okay" during the first trimester only. 

Mood: Excited!!

Maternity clothes: Will be needing them soon!

Size of baby: Between 1 1/2 to 2 1/2 inches (4.4 to 6cm) Weight is about 0.3 ounces (8g) About the size of a large lime!

Baby's changes: Fetal growth is rapid now. The crown to rump length of the baby doubles in the next 3 weeks. The head is almost half the baby's entire length. As the head extends (uncurls or tips backward toward the spine), the chin rises from the chest, and the neck develops and lengthens. Fingernails appear. 

 

External genitalia are beginning to show distinguishing features. Development of the fetus into a male or female is complete in another 3 weeks. 

Next appointment: July 22nd at 10:30am

What I've been up to: Getting ready for Hailey's first birthday BBQ and also preparing to go to Wisconsin to visit my family!

Can you see this?

Just wondering if anyone is able to see my posts. I haven't had any comments on my last 3 posts so I was kinda worrying! That's fine if people don't leave comments, I just want to make sure my posts are going through and I am not getting lost in cyber space!
Just leave me a comment here so I know these are at least showing up and you are able to read them. That way I know I can keep posting and you will keep reading!

Hailey's First Birthday

I'm just posting the invite I sent to all of my facebook friends, I know some of you are not on facebook  so I would like to include the invite on Blogger as well.

 Hailey will be turning ONE on July 18th. As you all know, she passed away on December 2nd from her fight with HLHS. We will be having a BBQ and cake to celebrate her life. We would love for all to attend and if you can, bring a new and unwrapped gift or donation. All of this will be donated to Doernbecher Children's Hospital on July 21st (Hailey's surgery anniversary). We want this to be a happy day full of celebration to remember our beautiful little girl!


If you would like to attend or send a gift, please e-mail me at labradorgirl1981@msn.com and I will send you our address. 

Pruritic Urticarial Papules and Plaques of Pregnancy!

Now say that 3 times fast! But for short, just call it PUPPS. If I had been updating my blog, you would have known that I had PUPPS during my pregnancy with Hailey. I would not wish this condition on my worst enemy. It is horrible! Click here to read about PUPPS . By the time my doctor was able to figure out what I had, it was already down to my knees and up to my neck. I could not sleep for weeks!  And here comes the strangest part, PUPPS occurs in only 1% of pregnant women, and with that one percent, 70% will be having boys! How much more bad statistics could we handle?! We had Hailey being 1 in 10,000 with having HLHS and now this on top! The point of this post is that we had our doctor appointment today and we were told we have a good chance of it coming back this pregnancy...great... But that was our only bad news today.

We had our ultrasound at noon today and so far everything is looking great. We got to see the little peanut's heart beat and it was at 147 bpm. We will be getting another ultrasound on July 6th.
And since I have been so tired lately, I forgot to post my weekly info! So here it is!

Week and day: 7 weeks and 5 days

Belly Button in or out: Still in. :)  Never came out while I was pregnant with Hailey, so I think it may stay in!

Wedding rings on or off: Still on of course!

Food cravings:  None

Food aversions: Everything!

Nausea: It's very bad! Feeling nauseous 24/7

Energy level: Can't make it through the day without a nap.

Weight gain: Lost a few pounds, but that's okay!

Mood: Excited!!

Maternity clothes: I'm sure I have a month or so before those are needed!

Size of baby: 1/2 inch! 

Baby's changes: Leg buds are beginning to appear as short fins and the arm buds have grown longer; they have divided into a hand segment and an arm-shoulder segment. The hand and foot have a digital plate where the fingers and toes will develop. 

The heart bulges from the body. By this time, it has divided into right and left chambers (lets pray that it did!) The primary bronchi are present in the lungs. The cerebral hemispheres, which make up the brain, are also growing. Eyes and nostrils are developing. 

Intestines are developing, and the appendix is present. The pancreas, which produces the hormone insulin, is also present. Part of the intestine bulges into the umbilical cord. Later in the baby's development, it will return to the abdomen.  

Next appointment: July 6th at 10:30am

What I've been up to: Working and sleeping! And trying to to trow up!

Just a quick update

Sorry for not posting earlier but I had to work today, and yesterday my husband and I had the day off together which was very nice!

So we had our first Dr. Appt yesterday but we don't have any pictures to share. We aren't far enough along for them to be able to see the little peanut on the ultrasound. They were able to see the amniotic sac and said that it looks healthy and it's up nice and high. So far, so good!

Our new Dr. is very nice! I have a male Dr. this time so I was hoping for a friendly one so I wouldn't seem too uncomfortable. I had Kaiser insurance (now have Aetna!) during our pregnancy with Hailey so I wasn't able to keep the same Perinatologist. But this is the first doctor I have seen in a while that wasn't sitting at a computer typing away while asking me questions. He just wrote his notes down on a piece of paper and seemed very interested in everything we had to say and wasn't rushing us either. He sat and answered all our questions and was so friendly about everything! Yay!

We do however get to go back this coming Friday, the 18th. for another ultrasound in hopes that we are able to see the little peanut on the ultrasound. Wish us luck!

One month down, 8 more to go!

I hope these next 8 months just fly by! I am so ready to have a little baby in my arms again. As I read other blogs and go back to when Hailey was first born, it makes me really sad that we never got to hold her right away. We didn't get to have that first bonding experience and she didn't get to cuddle with me to get to know my smell, or my husband's smell. I think about that a lot and sometimes wish that we were at a hospital that gave us that opportunity. I've read in many other blogs about the Moms and Dads being able to hold their babies who also had the same condition as Hailey. All I got was a one second glance at her after they cut her out of my stomach. Hailey was very stable the whole time leading up to the day of her surgery. She didn't need a ventilator or c-pap, or even a nasal canula. All she had was an IV to keep that duct open. So it makes me so angry at times that I never got to hold her and be her mom those first 3 days.
This is why we are so much anticipating the birth of our second child. I crave being able to hold my child immediately after birth to get the sensation and feelings all mothers should be able to experience. Just to clarify and I am sure most of you know this, but this child will in no way ever replace or even compare to the amazing little girl that Hailey was. We can't wait to tell this new baby all about his or her big sister watching over. We just can't wait to be parents and experience everything as if it's all brand new to us. It pretty much will be since the first time around was nothing like anyone could have imagined.
On a more upbeat note, Josh and I have both been having a "feeling" that this new little baby is going to be a boy! We both had that feeling before Hailey was born (that she was a girl) so we'll find out if we are right again! We already came up with a very cute boys name if it happens to be a boy, but we'll share that at a later time. :)  Here is the weekly update for our new little peanut!

Week and day: 6 weeks and 1 day

Belly Button in or out: Still in. :)  Never came out while I was pregnant with Hailey, so I think it may stay in!

Wedding rings on or off: Still on of course!

Food cravings:  None

Food aversions: None

Nausea: Just a little bit, nothing too bad just yet. 

Energy level: Getting very sleepy throughout the day!

Weight gain: None

Mood: Excited! Nervous as well!

Maternity clothes: I'm sure I have a month or so before those are needed!

Size of baby: 0.08 to 0.16 inch (2 to 4mm) The size of a blueberry! 

Baby's changes: The neural groove closes and early brain chambers form. The eyes are also forming, and  limb buds appear. The heart tubes fuse, and heart contractions begin!  

Next appointment: June 11th at 10:30am

What I've been up to: My husband and I have found a new love for getting out to play some disk golf! It's a lot of fun and a great little workout that's safe during pregnancy. It's just a little hard to get out to do anything lately since it's been raining non stop for 3 weeks. We only got one break and had a great sunny day this past Saturday. Can't wait for the Pacific Northwest to start showing signs of summer!

Followers?

Does anyone know why my "followers" don't show up? I've tried deleting the box and re-posting it, but nothing seems to work. I have no idea who is following my blog! Anyone know how to get it to work again?

Other than that, things here are good. No morning sickness just yet, but I didn't get that until week 6 with Hailey. Yesterday marked week 5!! This is the week that the heart will be dividing into chambers, so we are praying for 4 fully developed chambers this time! As I posted before, yes we told everyone about this pregnancy very early so that we can get as many prayers as possible. I know most people don't post this early because of the risk of miscarriage, but we want everyone along with us during this new journey. We are still very excited and will keep everyone posted as things progress. I have a feeling that morning sickness will be kicking in soon, as I am getting more and more pregnancy symptoms.

Our first perinatology appt is on June 11th and we will be getting our first ultrasound at that time. We are going to the perinatologist (high risk Dr.) because all subsequent pregnancy's from here on out will be considered high risk for the possibility of a CHD. Even though our chances are not very high. We will be posting our first ultrasound picture either that Friday or the following Saturday. We can't wait to see this new little baby!

I would like to do weekly posts by stealing the idea of another blog mom I follow. I thought it was such a cute idea! I hope you don't mind, mom2lo! 

Week and day: 5 weeks and 1 day

Belly Button in or out: Still in. :)

Wedding rings on or off: Still on of course!

Food cravings:  None

Food aversions: None

Nausea: None! I'm sure it's coming though!

Energy level: Starting to get tired during the day

Weight gain: None

Mood: Excited! Nervous as well!

Maternity clothes: I'm sure I have a month or so before those are needed!

Size of baby: About 0.05 in (1.25mm) long!

Baby's changes: The plate that will later become his/her heart has developed. The central nervous system (brain and spinal cord), and muscle and bone formation are beginning to take shape. The heart will begin to beat at the end of the week.

Next appointment: June 11th at 10:30am

What I've been up to: Just working and praying for a healthy baby!

HAILEY IS GOING TO BE A BIG SISTER!

It's technically really too early to start announcing because we are only about 4 weeks along, but we want as many prayers as possible for this new little baby on the way. I am making this post because I know a lot of people are going to have questions and it is unfortunate that I have to make such a post, but we really don't need any "debbie downers" right now!!

We are so very excited to announce that Hailey will be a big sister, but scared at the same time. For those wondering, we only have a 3% chance of having another CHD baby. Compared to the rest of the world having a 1% chance. So don't look down on us for trying again. I have heard from many friends that tried again after having a CHD baby that they got a lot of negative feedback. We have every right to try and have a family. This is all I have wanted since I was very young. So please be supportive of us throughout this pregnancy. Like I said, we have a 3% chance of it happening again and a 97% chance of having a healthy baby!

We have been trying since January and even had to take Provera to get my cycle regulated again after being MIA after Hailey's passing. It finally came back in April and we started charting using "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" and the first month of charting we were successful!! Conceived on Mother's Day 2010!!! Due date is January 30th 2011. We know Hailey is looking over this new little one, and we know she had a hand in this as she gave us this new little baby on one of the best days possible.

I want you all to know that this is going to be a very hard time for us but also a very exciting one! We would like everyone to help us stay positive and support us through this no matter what happens.

We will update as we find out more!